Funny voicemail greetings you can actually use
Funny voicemail greetings work best when they're short, clean and still do the job: tell callers to leave a name, number and message. Save the clever gimmicks for a personal cell, keep a business line lighter rather than silly, and let the joke land in one or two lines before the beep.
Copy any script below, swap the [bracketed] details for yourself, and hear it read aloud by a studio voice, including our five original character voices, for free.
What are some short, clever voicemail greetings?
One good line beats three mediocre ones. These work on almost any phone.
Wait for the beep
Hi, this is [Name]. You know what to do. Wait for the beep, say something clever, and I'll call you back before you forget what you said.
Make this greetingNot avoiding you, I promise
You've reached [Name]. I'm not ignoring you, I promise. I'm either driving, in the shower, or having a stare-down with my inbox. Leave a message and I'll win eventually.
Make this greetingLiterally anything else
Congratulations, you've reached the voicemail of [Name]. I'd love to chat, but right now I'm doing literally anything else. Leave your name, number and message, and I'll call you back.
Make this greetingWhat's a funny voicemail greeting for a small business?
Light and confident, not silly. Keep the joke about the business, never about the caller.
Strong coffee, stronger service
Thanks for calling [Business Name], where the coffee's strong and the customer service is stronger. We're helping someone else at the moment. Leave your name and number, and we'll call you back before the coffee gets cold.
Make this greetingBusy being amazing
You've reached [Business Name]. Our team is currently busy being amazing for another customer. Leave a message, and we'll be equally amazing for you very soon.
Make this greetingToo busy making it great
Hi, you've reached [Business Name]. We can't come to the phone because we're too busy making [product or service] great. Leave your name, number and what you need, and we'll call you back today.
Make this greetingWhat's a funny voicemail greeting for my personal cell phone?
You get more room to be playful on a personal line than a business one. Still keep it clean.
Not on speaking terms
Hey, it's [Name]. My phone and I are currently not on speaking terms. Leave a message after the beep and I'll patch things up and call you back.
Make this greetingThe voicemail is here for you
You've reached [Name]'s phone. [Name] is unavailable, but I, the voicemail, am here for you. State your business after the tone.
Make this greetingRobot check
Hi, this is [Name]. If you're a robot, please hang up now. If you're a human, leave your name, number and message, and I'll call you back.
Make this greetingWhat's a funny "press 1" style voicemail greeting?
A gentle poke at automated menus, played entirely for laughs. There's only ever one real option: leave a message.
Every option is the same option
Thanks for calling [Name]'s voicemail. For a call back today, press 1. For a call back tomorrow, press 1. For anything else, also press 1, because there's only one option, and it's leaving a message.
Make this greetingAll roads lead here
You've reached [Business Name]. Press 1 if you'd like us to call you back. Press 2 if you'd also like us to call you back. All roads lead to leaving a message after the tone.
Make this greetingWhat do the character voices sound like in a funny greeting?
One script for each of our five original character voices, ready to hear before you commit to one.
Rex the Radio Host
Heeey there, you've reached the one, the only [Name], live from the [Business Name] studio! We're off the air for just a moment, but stick around after this beep and leave your name and number. We'll be back with you after the break.
Make this greetingSir Reginald the Butler
Good day. You have reached the residence of [Name]. I regret to inform you that [Name] is indisposed at present. Kindly leave your name, your number, and the nature of your call, and a return call shall be arranged forthwith.
Make this greetingCaptain Cosmo
Greetings, Earthling! You've reached the command line of Captain Cosmo at [Business Name]. I am currently exploring other galaxies of paperwork. Transmit your name, number and message after the tone, and I will return your signal soon.
Make this greetingDusty the Cowpoke
Well howdy there, partner. You've reached [Name] over at [Business Name], and I reckon I'm out wranglin' something at the moment. Leave your name, your number and what you're needin', and I'll mosey on back to ya real soon.
Make this greetingGrandma Mabel
Oh, hello dear, you've reached [Name]'s phone. I'm just in the other room, probably baking something, so I can't get to the phone right now. Leave your name and number, sweetheart, and I'll call you right back.
Make this greetingHear it in a studio voice, free.
Pick a character voice or your own tone, hear your funny greeting free, and download it for $9, no signup required.
Hear it in a studio voice freeCommon questions
How long should a funny voicemail greeting be?
10 to 20 seconds. A joke that runs long stops being funny and starts wasting the caller's time, so land the line and get to the beep.
What makes a voicemail greeting actually funny instead of annoying?
One clear joke, said once, that still tells the caller what to do. Greetings that ramble, or that make the caller work to understand what happened, read as annoying rather than clever.
Is a funny greeting okay for a business phone?
A light, confident line about the business itself is fine. Save fully silly or character-voice greetings for a personal cell, a side project, or an internal team line rather than a customer-facing main number.
How often should I update a funny voicemail greeting?
There's no fixed schedule. Many people refresh a personal greeting every few months just to keep it from getting stale, or swap in a new one whenever the old joke stops being funny to them.
Can I use a funny greeting on my personal cell phone?
Yes. Cell phone voicemail only records through the microphone, so play the finished greeting from a laptop or second phone while your cell phone records it.
What are the character voices, and how do they sound?
Five original voices built for this: Rex the Radio Host, Sir Reginald the Butler, Captain Cosmo, Dusty the Cowpoke and Grandma Mabel. Each has its own script above, and you can hear any of them free before choosing.